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Published On: Aug 25, 2004 09:37 PM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Aug 25, 2004 09:37 PM
"A Thousand Yesterdays Ago, I Was a Baby"
Sometimes you feel invisible as the middle
child.
I remember Raven arguing against having three
kids because it would create a middle child. It's certainly a different dynamic
from two -- especially as Søren's personality is coming into play. And I'm
less worried about Xander than I might be for any other middle child. He seems
able to stand up for himself or find the best aspect of any situation; when,
for example, someone who is six and ever-so-worldly is making him feel small and
young, he responds, "At least I'll live longer" or, more likely "yeah, but
you're gonna die first." And shortly after Søren was born we were
informed he could be referred to as "handsome" or "cool" but never "cute" which
should be reserved for describing
babies.
You ask any parent to characterize their child or a situation in their house and it's likely you'll get part of the truth. And so I cling to the notion that the transition from family of four to family of five was much easier than any previous transition, one to two, two to three, or three to four, but I have to admit that the burden of this transition was on Xander, the only one who really lost any status. And we emphasized how cool it was to be the only person to know what it is to be the big brother and the little brother, and relished his relative self-sufficiency, his understanding of how to be gentle with the baby. And it seems to have knit a tight bond between him and Aodán who occupy their own world when I am drowning in baby care. I still see that it irritates him when total strangers come up to say how cute the baby is -- I feel trapped between basking in it and being irritated for him.
I am most proud of Xander for finding what he needed to articulate some of his feelings. I'd checked out a library book about a girl who needed glasses. She is a middle child, with noisy and boisterous siblings all around her, but she is quiet and good and sometimes people don't notice she's there, and it takes her parents a while to realize that she needs glasses. Xander picked this book to read night after night, and then, one evening when I was out walking with the three boys, Aodán regaling me with all of the hijinks of that rascally cat, Garfield (seriously, the boy hardly took a breath to keep talking for six blocks or so!) and me making faces at the tired baby in the stroller to keep him happy, Xander gave my hand a little tug. Stopping to listen to him, I heard "Sometimes you don't realize I'm there, right Mom?" Whereupon, Aodán was charged with pushing the stroller while Xander got a piggy back ride home.
We're enjoying these two weeks when Aodán has school and Xander doesn't. I only cheat a little to make sure the Candyland game doesn't go on forever and forever (there is nothing like getting that sugarplum card when you're in the final loop towards the candy castle). We're capable of sustained attention to art projects that are impossible to make happen when I have all three kids with me for some reason. I can even put on the Starlight Express c.d. and allow races all over the house. Xander may have moments of feeling invisible, but hopefully he'll be able to let me know and we'll keep finding ways to work on it.
You ask any parent to characterize their child or a situation in their house and it's likely you'll get part of the truth. And so I cling to the notion that the transition from family of four to family of five was much easier than any previous transition, one to two, two to three, or three to four, but I have to admit that the burden of this transition was on Xander, the only one who really lost any status. And we emphasized how cool it was to be the only person to know what it is to be the big brother and the little brother, and relished his relative self-sufficiency, his understanding of how to be gentle with the baby. And it seems to have knit a tight bond between him and Aodán who occupy their own world when I am drowning in baby care. I still see that it irritates him when total strangers come up to say how cute the baby is -- I feel trapped between basking in it and being irritated for him.
I am most proud of Xander for finding what he needed to articulate some of his feelings. I'd checked out a library book about a girl who needed glasses. She is a middle child, with noisy and boisterous siblings all around her, but she is quiet and good and sometimes people don't notice she's there, and it takes her parents a while to realize that she needs glasses. Xander picked this book to read night after night, and then, one evening when I was out walking with the three boys, Aodán regaling me with all of the hijinks of that rascally cat, Garfield (seriously, the boy hardly took a breath to keep talking for six blocks or so!) and me making faces at the tired baby in the stroller to keep him happy, Xander gave my hand a little tug. Stopping to listen to him, I heard "Sometimes you don't realize I'm there, right Mom?" Whereupon, Aodán was charged with pushing the stroller while Xander got a piggy back ride home.
We're enjoying these two weeks when Aodán has school and Xander doesn't. I only cheat a little to make sure the Candyland game doesn't go on forever and forever (there is nothing like getting that sugarplum card when you're in the final loop towards the candy castle). We're capable of sustained attention to art projects that are impossible to make happen when I have all three kids with me for some reason. I can even put on the Starlight Express c.d. and allow races all over the house. Xander may have moments of feeling invisible, but hopefully he'll be able to let me know and we'll keep finding ways to work on it.
Posted: Thu - August 21, 2003 at 10:27 PM